Hokkaido Missing Child Drama and Child Parenting in Japan

Do you still remember the story about the child that gone missing in a forest at Nanae, Hokkaido, Japan where the forest is known as natural habitat of more than 100 grizzly, and brown bear because his father left him there to 'punish' him?


Or you don't know anything about this? In that case, I'll just do a short summarize then...


On the end of May this year, a missing person report was filed by Takayuki Tanooka, stating that his 7 years old child had gone missing since Saturday, 25th of may, saying that his son, Yamato Tanooka had got lost. But later admitted briefly abandoning him as a 'punishment' for being naughty for the boy had been throwing stones at people and cars (YES. CARS).. Few minutes later, he came back and poof... the boy had gone playing hide and seek with the teddy bears.

7YO Yamato Tanooka

For 6 days, nearly 200 members of search and rescue teams scoured the mountains for signs of life, and long story short, the boy was found taking shelter in a Japanese Self Defense Force (JSDF), staying alive by using the military facilities inside the hut. The boy miraculously survived the bear-infested forest with only water without eating for days, in a forest where the temperatures could drop to 7 degrees Celcius in night. When the boy was found suffering with mild dehydration and malnutrition, and had a mild rash and scratches on his arms and legs.

Takayuki Tanooka was basked with both sympathy and harsh criticism for child neglect and abuse. He then apologized to his son and those who involved in the search. The incident spread like wildfire, catching the attention of not only Japanese, but also International media.


As you all may have known, Japan is a country where the peer and social pressure so strong that you could make a diamond out of shit (It's strongly related to the 'Ijime' bullying here in Japan which I will cover in future posts). I can't even comprehend just how hard it is for the father to admit the mistake he made regarding the lost son to the public, and on top of that, the fact that his own son had gone missing.


"Making children obey  by giving the fear or pain is bad parenting, it's abuse." Naoki Ogi, a professor of education at Hosei University said in his blog. Whereas one famous morning talk show host, Tomoaki Ogura, sympathized with the parents on his fuji TV show "Tokudane!". Mr. Ogura said : "To say 'if you're so bad, we can't take you along, just stay here' is a valid way of scolding a child." Many opinions were voiced regarding the position of the father, and once more, the controversy regarding child parenting was brought up, once again.

Honestly, I feel that I don't have the right to say anything about this case. Not only because I don't even have the experience raising a child,  I am just a guy who just turned 20 this year. I myself came from a family where my mother doesn't go easy on me in matter of parenting, and I come from Indonesia, Southeast Asia. I've 'made love' to every household equipment you could imagine from feather duster, broom, even belts. There were many times too when I was locked in the toilet. And no, that doesn't make me want to sue my mom of child abuse, rather, she's the person I respect the most until now. Being a working mother with 2 child, and not only that she even takes care of my 5 cousins who got their father sick.

Okay let's not stray from the topic.

What I want to say is... Have you ever felt that you just want to punch the past yourself in the face?

I wouldn't even have a face right now if  I could do so. I was an egoistical, rambunctious, overly-active child. I would throw a tantrum over things that I want but my parents didn't buy. Of course, to educate a child a parent would need to explain why.

Why is it that buying everything you want is bad?
or better...
Why is it saving money is much better?
etc etc...

I'm not a specialist in child education so I'm not going to go deep on how to parent a child. But from my experience pain, or what you probably call physical punishment is sometimes essential. Just how would a person understand that fire could burn you if he hasn't even 'touch' fire in his life?

I don't even want to imagine just what kind of person would I be if my parent just nodded and gave me everything I wanted. 
Regarding this case, his son just keep throwing stones to whatever that moves, including cars. Are you freaking serious? CARS?

Yeah just let him be discus throw athlete wannabe on the street and cause an accident where everyone would point their fingers to his parents, and throw some lines similar to :"WHY didn't you watch your child properly?", or "Are you even disciplining your child properly?". Because probably one day stones won't the only thing he will throw to people.

A child would naturally does every stupid things in the list and it is okay, and the parents' role is to explain to the child what kind of stupid things are okay to do and not, that everything has consequences. But especially in Japan the style of child parenting is a bit different.

Self-Independence Centered Parenting

First of all, in japan there are tendencies to have the children develop their self-reliance. Different from the western culture where it is obligatory for parents to protect their child, in Japan the parents often would just watch over when the child were to be facing a problem. The parents here in Japan urge their children to solve their own problems.  Furthermore, according to interview of ABC news, Japanese parents have the tendencies to have their children help them in house chores in daily basis (It's perfectly normal for me though).

For instance if the child is having a fight with his friend, the parents normally would just act like nothing is wrong until the child himself tell his parents about it, which then the parents would help their child. While it is true that this kind of way creates misunderstanding more often than you think (especially in terms of bullying) because the child then won't know how to initiate a conversation to his parents when a real trouble is happening, On the other side, this is also the reason why Japanese people are so independent mentally.

Japanese Style Discipline 

Secondly, 'Shitsuke' （しつけ）. This word means 'discipline' or 'teaching manners'. The core of this concept is mainly :

 1. The cultivation of children's 'independent mentality'
 2. The educating of children to have them abide to the regulations and law.
 3. The refinement of children's manner and etiquette.

Looking at this, the concept of 'Shitsuke' probably exist throughout the world, not only this country where weird things seems to come out from. Experience-wise, I myself have gone through the same thing. Even though one could say that in Asia, this kind of way of child parenting is probably stronger than the western countries. This is probably why I don't see many spoiled-brat types of children here in Japan. The problem is that parents have the full control of this. It's completely up to the parents on what and how they should discipline their children.



In this missing boy case, all I see is that a parent trying to discipline his child and unfortunately had the shit hit the fan. The funny thing is if you google shitsuke (using hiragana しつけ) all images you'll find are dog images. LOL

Social Circumstances 

Last but not the least, is the social circumstances. In Japan, a working woman who gave birth would mainly quit her job and focus on parenting her child, while solely relying on the father economically. Though lately there are significant increase in the number of mothers who doesn't quit her job after giving birth. Naturally, the color and personality of the parenting itself would shift a bit from the other countries. There are mainly 2 patterns. The first is where both the parents would go to work while completely leaving the child to himself in the house or the opposite with the mother, being in the house for 24/7 or while doing part-time work.


Different from the child-focused style mother, the working ones wouldn't have the luxury to pay heed to every things the child does both mentally and physically, let alone the father side. on the other hand, on this day and age, I think to completely rely on just a person working to support the whole household is just like walking on thin ice. In Japan most people work for companies where there are more cases than enough where the father is fired and the household break down completely.

Especially with children, they are bound to be dependent to their friends. Be it because feeling of wanting to run away from the excessive contact his parent shower him with, or the lack of love from his parents. Or simply because of something called growing. Much less in this day and age where children would not only be influenced solely by the parents (games, TV, internet). The circumstances in matter of parenting would become more and more difficult by day.

"Tetris has taught me when you try to blend in, you disappear."

It is considered problematic when a person cause an inconvenience to others here in Japan. Obviously personality-wise the people here would have bigger difference compared to the western countries where 'If you don't give me my weekly pocket money I'll run away from home.' (or something like that) mentality is not so much a problem compared to Japan. All of Japanese people I've met have something in common, is that they try to avoid problems while trying to prioritize others rather than themselves. So from this, the fact that a child is throwing stones at people would on the contrary make the father's blood boils.

All this blabbering have one similarity. That is the development of the ego of the child, the thinking pattern, and personality. This is a country where conformity is more revered rather than individuality. which aforementioned, has strong relationship on why there are so many bullying, and probably student-related suicide in Japan.

While the most child probably would cry and wait for their parents not knowing what to do, this child is just too smart (or audacious) for his own good. I do not condemn his father decision of using that kind of way to educate his child. Every parents have their own way to educate their children be it the soft or hard way. While keeping in mind is that everything a parent is doing is giving an extra dash on the white canvas called the ego personality of the child.


Well, on the bright side, now in the future the child could use the ace card up his hand like this...

(Child) : Hey dad can I have a car?

(Father) : No.

(Child) : I guess I'll just have to take a shortcut through a forest tomorrow.

(Father) : Okay, let's go to the dealer right now...

LOL

I'll write more about the society here in Japan in future posts, so look forward to it~

Sore ja, Mata ne!